vomitgod’s weblog

Ten random observations/questions by a beloved misanthropist:

01. Is there a direct correlation between the way humans discard refuse without prejudice in a movie theater and what they do to planet Earth on a daily basis?

02. Who else is delighted that we’ve finally reached an age wherein expedited-food conglomerates (such as KFC) can brazenly advertise, in loud, bold letters, their yearning for the consumer to “UNTHINK”?

03. Whomever came up with the notion that getting shit on by a bird is good luck probably got shit on by a bird.

04. When a radio is on in an empty room, does it still exude shitty music??

05. Those yearning to hear “classic” albums (i.e. music never produced, recorded or otherwise conceived with “surround sound” or other gimmickry in mind) remixed in 5.1 surround sound could probably be sold on a fork and knife with which to eat candy bars.

06. Women may be oppressed throughout the world, but at least in a few countries they can get away with wearing a glorified bedsheet and slippers to work.

07. I truly enjoy an artist that knows how to effectively sabotage their compositions by garnishing them with oblique titles.  An excellent example of this is the Frank Zappa composition, “I Promise Not to Come in Your Mouth”.

08. Music is more important than the sound (of music).

09. If an elevator has to fail inspection more than once in order to be rendered inoperable and thus truly be considered to be a failure, doesn’t that take any/all permanency out of the word fail?

10. Some people are so full of excrement, I wonder if they cry shit?

Bonus: Be leery of musical proficiency.  Good musicians do not necessarily good music make.

Ten random observations/questions by a beloved misanthropist:

01. I wonder how many people with a “Support The Troops” magnet on the back of their gas guzzler will spend Memorial Day weekend (aka the “holiday” weekend) shopping, grilling carcasses, immeresed in sporting events, or sipping a cold beer from a lawn chair in their backyards?

02. You can’t contract the swine flu by eating pork, but you can contract the swine flu because you eat pork (i.e. factory farming).

03. Q: Why are women leaving men for other women? A: Because they’re smart.

04. People from Alabama shouldn’t leave suicide notes if they “can’t take it no more”. Aside from being dead, you’ve advertently left behind an epitaph that makes it sound like you’re a dunderhead from Alabama!

05. Wouldn’t the “Christian” thing to do be to help others without attempting to convert them to Christianity?

06. When sisters are doing it for themselves, sisters are doing it to themselves.

07. Do you only cover your mouth/nose when you cough/sneeze when it’s flu season? Or only when there is a supposedly imminent pandemic afoot? I always cover my mouth/nose when I cough/sneeze. There I go again being an elitist asshole.

08. Where does the urge for one to subject their pet to incomprehensible “baby talk” come from?

09. Americans are not “losing” religion, they are changing it to fit their active lifestyles, suit their sexual orientation(s), and coincide with their ideas of a very specific and no-doubt glorious afterlife.

10. Facebooks users should be able to become fans of themselves, because most users are apparently their own biggest fans.

Ten random observations/questions by a beloved misanthropist:

01. Recent research suggests that there is a link between rabid sports fanaticism and heart attacks. Go Sox!

02. Twittering your genitals is arguably more productive, yet less self-indulgent, than utilizing Twitter.

03. When labeling music (something that I’m not a fan of in the slightest), there are certain words that should never be in close proximity to each other, such as: “easy” listening, “smooth” jazz, “new” age, and “sacred” music.

04. As human beings continue to aspire to reach sizes between gargantuan and Jurassic, seating (with an emphasis on public transit, festivals/concerts, and conferences) needs to be revised and super-sized. What once was a three-seater now barely fits two, and in another decade or so, probably just one.

05. There sure are a lot of missing white people. Don’t black, yellow, or red people ever go missing?

06. Protestors need to take their signage to the next level. For example, “Don’t Tax Me, Bro!” and “Yes We Can’t!” could be replaced with “If You’re Going To Use Your Fist, How About Some Lubrication!?” and “Fuck You And The Horse You Rode In On!”.

07. “Creation” and creationism enthusiasts should avoid using verbiage like “She happens to be…” or “As it happens…”.

08. In terms of quota-filling, which I suspect is unfortunately the root of cultural/diversity mandates and training, which ethnicities combined with gender, etc. score the most points and/or rank the highest?

09. Have we surpassed the tipping point, reached critical mass, or are we otherwise indubitably fucked?

10. Does the phrase “I’m wet with anticipation” imply what I think it does?