The Cynic – 012809
Ten random observations/questions by a beloved misanthropist:
01. If Rock Band or Guitar Hero have inspired you to pickup a real musical instrument, please don’t.
02. Meteorologists, economists and others in the business of speculation should be subject to random mercury poisoning experiments.
03. Someone should create a quiz show were well-known game show hosts are the contestants, and are thus potentially forced to reveal that they are just as incompetent and/or scatterbrained as those who watch game shows. Perhaps a know-nothing can be subtracted from the studio audience to temporarily act as host, prove he/she can read questions/answers from a cue card, and hopefully do his/her best to scoff at and belittle said celebrity contestants.
04. If you think your dog needs yoga, chances are better that you do.
05. “Only quitters quit!” I often ponder if this timeless, endearing slogan should be touted, as it could easily be adopted by serial killers, pedophiles, directors of ethnic cleansing institutions, and the like.
06. If you work at Au Bon Pain, do you perpetually smell like Asiago cheese?
07. If you care or are concerned about Steve Jobs’ health or Oprah Winfrey’s weight, you should check to ensure that part of your brain isn’t inadvertently being expelled when you blow your nose.
08. Am I good enough to go to Heaven?
09. Is my severe disgust with virtually all popular recorded music of the last decade a sign of taste, or that I am a washed-up, wanna-be, or a never-has-been?
10. If you believe that the world will end on December 21 or December 23, 2012, I truly hope that yours does.